After a crazy, exciting, and stressful year, I was really REALLY looking forward to this summer. As a crossing guard, I get the summer off, and though I had plenty of freelance work and novel-writing to do, I was planning on spending as much time as I could at the pool, at the beach, wandering around, and recovering.
Well, best laid plans, etc. My poor mother-in-law died in July after a long, grueling… I want to say illness, but really just life? I’ve also been writing a book on deadline that is a prison of my own making, and then our car was stolen and used in a homicide.
So let’s just say, the five things I’ve “liked” this month have been liked out of necessity.
Five Things I’ve Been Forced To Like This Month That You Might Also Like:
When someone dies, nobody tells you what to do next. If they’re the shitty nurse at the hospital where my mother-in-law died, they might even tell you, “I don’t know, google it.” This means your google search history is going to be morbid at best, deeply suspicious at worst (and I’m saying this as a NOVELIST). “How to donate a body Chicago” for example, or “crematoriums near me.” Luckily I discovered Planet Green Cremations, whose website promises the “lowest cost in the Midwest” and insists (rightly) that “money is for the living.” I have a thousand stories about working with these guys, but they are all 100% positive. If there is a fairy godmother of cremation, it is the woman who works here. Five stars.
I happen to be married to someone who is obsessed with movies. I like movies just fine, and I’ve learned a lot from his obsession, but I have to say, nothing is better for processing the immediate aftermath of death and the onset of grief like going to an actual movie theater and watching the new Mission Impossible (not great but who cares, we’re all here to see if Tom Cruise dies on-screen doing some ridiculous stunt), the Barbie movie (amazing), and a 70mm rerelease of Boogie Nights at my favorite local theater, the Music Box. Going to the movies is just escapist enough to fortify you for the next round of post-death emotion and to-dos. Also, as we stood in line for Boogie Nights, a couple of Gen Z girls walked by and said “What movie is that?” to which the other replied “I dunno, some old movie your dad would like.” Outstanding.
In the midst of all this, I had the great good fortune to be the River Forest Public Library’s summer community read (well not me, but my book). It’s a lovely library, with great people who worked really hard to put these events together. And yet! A few local folks went to the library board meeting and whined about the queer content of my book. Luckily the response was swift and supportive, but hey, this is just a shout-out to public libraries, who are on the frontlines of some truly terrible shit right now. Tell your libraries you love and support them, go to library board meetings if you can, check out books. This is going to be a long night.
Since this summer was absolutely in no way a break for me, I decided to cram in a last-minute short stay alone at a hotel in Milwaukee. Both to clear my head and to finish my next novel - you know, the impossible one. No offense to Milwaukee, but there’s nothing I need to see or do there, so I mostly just wrote, drank coffee, napped, watched Project Runway, napped, drank wine, rented a shitty city bike, and drank cocktails. I had a truly terrific 24 hours before my car was stolen from the hotel parking lot and used in a homicide. It fell victim to what is apparently a TikTok trend of stealing Hyundais? Truly the worst timeline. Anyway, the car is currently being held as evidence, and in my many conversations with Milwaukee’s homicide division (not a single Columbo-type on staff), I have had to strike a balance between somberness about the serious crime committed and a need to understand when I can get my goddamn murder car back. Point is, I really enjoyed the Dubbel Dutch Hotel and will likely return (though I’ll take the train next time).
Oh, I did manage to squeak in a short and lovely trip to Seattle to visit friends, where I went paddleboarding for the first time. I had been planning to do it again, because you can rent paddleboards at Montrose Beach in Chicago, but you know, see above.
Bonus Lewd Animal Fact:
Even in the biggest city, you cannot miss overhearing animal mating calls, like GET A ROOM YOU TWO. Anyway, most animals use their mouths for this. But not the haddock, no sir. This fish sings using its bladder, and nothing turns a lady on more than a tune that reminds her of pee.
Okay, thanks for reading, hope to have better news next time!
And hey, did you know you can review a book on a loathsome website didn’t buy the book from that website? Just a lil unrelated life hack for ya.
I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't think you're cursed--unless the fortune teller at the county fair was right...???
I'm so sorry Eden. All the bad stuff sounds bad, your loss and your partner's loss. I was just a memorial on Monday, so it hits close home.
My wife's cousin's car was stolen and used for criming, too, though I don't know if there was homicide. That sounds awful. I don't believe you are cursed, but I can see how it can feel that way.
Take care.