Just a little vacation emergency eye surgery
Who needs Stonehenge when there are so many UK hospitals to visit
I try to keep a rigorously half-assed schedule for this newsletter, but unfortunately it has been impossible to write a new one until now. Folks, this week has been ridiculous! Like William Wallace before him, my husband’s retina decided to seek its freedom in Scotland, which means he had to have EMERGENCY EYE SURGERY IN GLASGOW. They put a bubble of gas up in there, aka IN HIS EYEBALL, and now he can’t fly home or his EYE WILL EXPLODE. Or something. Anyway, the upshot is, we’re stuck in Glasgow for 2+ weeks. Worse places to stay, absolutely. But still, ya know, the stress of, again, EMERGENCY EYE SURGERY, has taken its toll. Things are looking good so far, recovery-wise, please knock all the wood and do whatever other luck-based superstitious practices you do to wish him a speedy recovery.
But the show must go on! And by show I mean…
Five things I’ve liked recently that you might also like:
I hope you never need EMERGENCY FUCKING EYE SURGERY WHILE YOU’RE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY, but if you do, apparently Glasgow, Scotland is the place to be? It truly is a marvel to receive medical care in a place with universal health care. The nurses, administrators, doctors, surgeons, and literally every single human who works in the Gartnavel Hospital Eye Clinic was an absolute dream. Not to mention the cab drivers, hotel workers, airbnb hosts, and wait staff of the restaurants in Glasgow. Honestly, my biggest lesson of this week is that kindness changes the whole game, it can change the lives of complete strangers, and it takes almost no effort. I am by nature a bit of a grump, but I like to think I’ve done a bit of an Ebenezer Scrooge-esque turnaround here. (In this vein, I promise to be more judicious with my all-caps from here on down.)
Not to give everyone whiplash, but before all this went down, I read an absolutely terrific book. A slim volume called The Most by Jessica Anthony. An absolute masterclass in creating whole worlds out of tiny moments. I blew through it, and now I just wish I knew how she pulled that off. The story, on its surface, is just a 1950s housewife who wakes up one day not feeling great, climbs into the pool in her apartment complex, and refuses to get out. The whole book takes place over one day. Cannot recommend enough!
Haggis. Listen, I understand why it gets a bad rap. It’s made of organs and oatmeal. That doesn’t sound good!! And it doesn’t LOOK good either. But, thing is — it IS good! It’s super mild tasting, and eating it makes you feel a bit rebellious, like the blood of William Wallace burns through your veins. FREEDOM!*
*(I’ve never seen Braveheart so my depiction could be off)
They may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR HAGGIS! So the last time I wrote a newsletter, we were in Copenhagen. We’ve done a lot since then! I’m not going to sum it all up, because I’m tired. But one thing that is worth mentioning is the new(ish) Lascaux caves museum in Southwest France - Lascaux IV. You can’t get into the caves to see the amazing cave paintings anymore because mere human existence in these caves ruins the paintings (we’re really good at ruining stuff, huh?). You haven’t legally been able to get into the caves since 1984 (but rich guys were able to get in for another 20 years because… rich guys get away with everything). However! in 2016, they opened a new museum that is an exact facsimile of the ENTIRE Lascaux Caves circuit, recreated using lasers and xrays and stuff. I know what you’re thinking because I was also thinking it - SNOOZE - but stop snoozing, friends, because this place is incredible. It feels like the real thing, in a real cave. It’s an amazing example of museum design ingenuity and artistry. If you find yourselves in southern France, don’t be put off by the fact that it’s not “real” - do yourself a favor and go to this museum.
“You ever feel like we’re living in a simulation?” I know, we were all hoping to get out of this newsletter without talking politics, but I just gotta slide one thing in under the wire. Author Sarah Thankam Mathews, who wrote the absolutely terrific novel All This Could Be Different and (fun fact!) went to the same high school as me, wrote such a smart, thoughtful, and humane take on the clown car inside which we’re currently smooshed nose-to-nuts and careening down a mountain, and I had to share it. She wrote it before Biden dropped out, but it remains very very relevant to all of us. We are living through a long murky era of not-knowing, and we’re all alive in it together, and each must do as they are able. Tikkun Olam and all that.
And now, because we all need to take a moment to marvel at our big weird world, here’s your…
Bonus Lewd Animal Fact!
No dudes. No sex. All lizard. Some species of whiptail lizards in the American Southwest are made up 100% of lady lizards who reproduce asexually. I know what you’re thinking - How do they do it while remaining GENETICALLY ROBUST? Well, new research seems to indicate it’s because they start off with double the genetic material! Each lizard is two lizards in one! Double the lizard, double the fun (?)
Hey, thanks for reading! Hopefully less eye drama coming in the next installment. In the meanwhile, quickie reminder that my new novel REMEMBER YOU WILL DIE is available for pre-order! And if you order from the amazing Chicago bookstore Women and Children First, it comes signed with swag! And yes, they ship! (US only)