Murder car is BACK with eight lives to spare
May we all be so lucky
Friends, I hate to be glad to see summer in the rearview mirror of my murder car; it’s practically blasphemy in a place like Chicago which has upwards of 6 months of winter, but I think I’ve earned it this year. And from what I hear, I’m not the only one who had a rough summer. So here’s to all that stuff those insufferable fall people love - sweaters, holding mugs in two hands (why? so hot!), kicking up leaf rot, etc etc.
Five Things I’ve Liked That You Might Also Like:
Let’s see, where did we leave off? Oh yes, my car was stolen and then used in a murder. Well, after speaking to at least 17 different homicide detectives in Milwaukee, none of whom apparently ever communicated with each other, enduring various snafus with towing companies, and getting rejected from a repair shop, she’s back, baby! Of course, now I had to buy The Club because the Hyundai/Kia TikTok steal-a-car challenge is still going strong and there’s no real solution to the security problem. Thanks Hyundai! Truly the dumbest car design.
Have you guys heard of this show “Project Runway”? I know I’m ahead of the curve here, but I love this show. I used to hide my love of artsy competition shows, but I feel like the Great British Bake-Off made it okay because “they’re all nice to each other.” Really, though, what I love about these shows is seeing the artistic process in real-time. To me, it’s just a humbler version of watching Paul McCartney pull “Get Back” out of the goddamn ether (while George and Ringo look like they might pass out from boredom). You see these really talented people flounder, lose confidence, start from scratch, take big leaps, annoy everyone, play it safe, triumph, fail, think they’ve failed but actually triumph… I think it’s such a marvelous depiction of what it’s like to make something, and as someone who was very recently in the throes of making something hard, it’s super calming to be reminded that other people go through it too.
I’m teaching a class! It’s for Clarion West, home of the 6-week writing pressure cooker that changed my whole life. But this is just a three-session online class I’ve called Plotting for Pantsers. Because I made the whole thing up, I get to do one of my favorite exercises - in writing and in life - which is flipping a coin to help make decisions. Or rather - the coin doesn’t make the decision, the coin tells you what you really want to do. In other words, if you’re choosing between two ideas, assign each choice to one side of the coin, flip the coin, and then see how you feel inside when the coin makes the choice. Can you hear that inner excited bloop? Or does the choice make your gut crumple in mild despair? Congratulations, you’ve made your real decision!
As is my custom when writing something, I have an incredibly hard time reading. One of the things I’m really looking forward to this fall is sinking into some just epically-long novels. I picked up this one at random at the library and have high hopes for it. But two books I really loved from this summer were Milk Fed by Melissa Broder and Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma by Claire Dederer. The latter title I really dragged my feet on, since I typically find those conversations pretty tedious, but enough people recommended it that I said FINE I’LL READ IT and I’m glad I did. Highly recommend!
I dyed my hair orange! It is VERY bright. And while I was crossing-guarding, where I often wear pigtails to keep my hair out of my face, a teenager came up to me and said “You look like Wendy. You know, from Wendy’s?” “Never heard of her,” I said. Just kidding! I said thank you. An honor!
Bonus Lewd Animal Fact
Let’s talk about human penises. The term “boner” is actually pretty false advertising, actually, because… humans are one of the only primates WITHOUT A LITERAL BONE in their penises. Did you know this? I did not know this. Why would you need a bone there?? Anyway, the penis bone is called a “baculum,” and it would seem that humans lost their boners at some point during evolution.
Hey, thanks for reading! If you didn’t know, I have a novel out that you can buy. In fact, for the month of September (eg the next two days), the ebook of WHEN FRANNY STANDS UP is an inflation-busting $2.99 at all ebook venues!
Clarion?!? Well done!